They are Men!
by Songbird of the End
Summary: Au-ish, songfic-ish, crack-ish. Four Swords Majora's Mask crossover, sorta. Brought to you by the wonders of delayed sugar rush. Read at your own risk! Penname used to be Albino Chocobo.


This is what happens when you mix sugar, a Four Swords Adventures T-shirt, and a song stuck in your head. Yeah, not very pretty. Read at your own risk!

Disclaimer: I own the very, very crazy idea that is behind this. Nothing else. I've underlined the lyrics to make them easy to find, and all lyrics are being said by Link unless otherwise noted. They're all ten/eleven unless otherwise stated.

* * *

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Positive!"

"I don't know, Aoi."

"Yeah! Remember the stories Mom told? This isn't just some wannabe hero, he's the real deal!"

"Aw, stuff it Aka. Of course I remember her stories! Link, the kid who lives alone, has four masks that can transform you into what images the masks were made in! Those would be an ace in the hole against that Hun monster army!"

"Aoi, come on. Even _I_ think this is a bad idea, and I'm all for suicide attacks!"

"Goddesses, you guys need to grow a spine!"

"You need to grow a brain!"

Four figures were currently crouched behind a row of bushes at night, all of which were the exact same size and wearing the same thing. The only way to differentiate between the four were the colors of their tunics—green, red, blue, and purple—and their personalities. There was blue clad Aoi, green Itsuki, red Aka, and purple Vio.

They were arguing about whether or not to break into a certain someone's tree house where powerful masks were said to be stored. This certain someone was a great warrior (whose name was Link), but had yet to catch wind of the impending attack. Instead of doing the smart thing, these quadruplets decided to take it upon themselves to stop them… with the help of two pairs of soon-to-be-stolen enchanted masks, of course.

"Look," Aoi sighed, "we'll just slip in, grab them, and get out. No sweat: we've done tons of stealth related stuff. How hard can this be?"

"Aoi, that was a _Moblin_ fortress," Vio stressed. "Moblins are dumb and don't know that barrels aren't supposed to have legs. This is the home of an experienced warrior we're talking about!"

"Besides, stealing isn't nice!" Aka stuck his two cents in.

"We're not stealing," Aoi said slyly. "We're borrowing."

"Ohhhh." Aka replied.

"Listen, you guys can stay here if you want," Aoi said adamantly, "but I'm going in. Anyone who wants to join me can come." And with that, he turned and stalked closer to the tree house. Slowly, his three brothers crept up behind him as he smiled quietly to himself. They always fell for that.

All four of them climbed the rope ladder being careful not to make any noise. Once they were on the small landing, they peeked in through the windows and saw a form slumped on the far side of the room. A quick scan of the dark room showed four masks proudly displayed on a bookshelf. They slinked across to the bookshelf, and Aoi grinned in triumph.

"Like candy from a baby." He breathed, reaching up to grab the one that was fashioned into a Zora face.

"Oh, is it now?" A voice asked from the doorway the same time the light blazed on, leaving them frozen and caught red-handed.

"Busted." Vio hissed through clenched teeth.

They turned back to the doorway. In it stood a fourteen year old boy with blond hair and blue eyes sparkling with amusement. Aka recognized him as Link (as in _the_ Link), and Itsuki looked back at the bed which had a lump of blankets on top.

"Don't you all know stealing is against the law?" Link asked with one eyebrow raised.

"I did!" Aka quipped up. He was ignored.

"Uh, wait! This isn't what it seems." Aoi said quickly.

"Oh?" The eyebrow went up higher. "Then, what exactly are you four doing sneaking into my house at night?"

"We… we were, uh…" Aoi stammered glancing around, looking for a good excuse. Vio came to his rescue.

"We were here to warn you about the coming monster army."

"The Huns, right?" Link surprised everyone present. "Don't worry, I just found out about them. But, you know," he adopted a thoughtful expression, but the amused glint never really left his eyes, "I was thinking about how I'd need help fighting an entire army. Hey, I know, let's make a deal."

"A deal?" Itsuki squeaked.

"Sure, sure," Link drawled, "I promise not to report you if you decide to help me in the upcoming attack."

"Deal!" All four shouted at the same time.

"I thought so." He smiled as he pulled a map from the folds of his tunic. He practically threw it out over the table and leaned over it. Link started pointing to different areas.

"Let's get down to business to defeat the Huns," all four of them shivered at the thought of facing an army of monsters, which didn't go unnoticed from Link. "Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?"

They winced at the subtle jab at their male pride and stood up straighter. At a verbal command from Link they got into Wide formation, and he walked in front of them like an army sergeant.  
"You're saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet," right about here Aoi stuck out his foot to trip Link and the last word came out as a grunt. Link turned to glare at him, "before we're through. Mister I'll make a man out of you," He said into Aoi's face while jabbing a finger into his chest. Aoi stared back, glaring a _bring it on_.

* * *

  
They were back at daybreak, with one more addition. Malon, who had somehow exercised her all-knowing muscle, dressed herself up like a boy (with their help) to help fight. Link didn't mind that they brought someone else( "One more person to torture, I mean train."). The first exercise consisted of Link hiding a fair sized bomb in a pile of leaves, and they had to find it before it went off. Link leaned against a tree with his back to the clearing and frantic sounds of searching.

"Tranquil as a forest. But on fire," _-Boom!-_ "within."

They failed the first task.

* * *

The second exercise had them trying to balance a bucket of water on their head while sitting lotus position. Link was the only one not having difficulty: Malon was having trouble just holding hers up; Aoi couldn't sit still; Aka was being distracted by a nearby squirrel, Vio kept fidgeting with a rock in his shoe; Itsuki was trying very hard not to laugh from the hairy caterpillar crawling across his arm.

"Once you find your center you are sure to win."

Itsuki broke first. The sound of laughter echoing through the clearing was interrupted by a number of _-Splash!-_ and _-Sploosh!-_ When they got it under control, they saw Link standing there shaking his head with his bucket on the ground beside him.

"You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot and you haven't got a clue. Somehow I'll make a man out of you."

They failed the second task.

* * *

  
One glance at the logs sticking out of the river instantly caused reactions of dread in the small crowd of five.

"I'm never gonna catch my breath," Aoi said breathlessly.

"Say goodbye to those who knew me," Vio looked close to falling to his knees and praying.

"Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym," Itsuki reprimanded himself.

"This guy's got them scared to death," a nearby fairy mused aloud.

"Hope he doesn't see right through me," Malon murmured. Itsuki patted her shoulder reassuringly.

"Now I really wish that I knew how to swim," Aka gulped, glancing at the river.

Well, do you really need me to spell it out? They didn't pass the third task.

* * *

The next test was an obstacle course. There were various boulders in the dark cave path, a large block, a chasm, and a small carved stone at the end.

(We are men)  
"We must be swift as the coursing river."

The four brothers ran almost blindly through, jumping over small rocks and dodging bigger ones, while Malon lagged behind.

(We are men)  
"With all the force of a great typhoon."

The quadruplets slammed into the block and pushed it towards the chasm. Malon caught up, panting, after they pushed it into the hole.

(We are men)  
"With all the strength of a raging fire."

Aka and Aoi picked up Itsuki and threw him over the remaining distance. Itsuki ran, snatched the rock, turned back and leaped over to the makeshift ledge. When he didn't quite make it, Vio and Aoi grabbed his arms and pulled him up. (Aka was making sure Malon was really okay.)

"Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."

They all dashed/stumbled back out of the cave. Once they had enough time to catch their breath and Link to nod approvingly, Itsuki looked at the rock. It had a crescent moon etched into it.

They passed the third test.

* * *

  
"Time is racing towards us until the Huns arrive. Heed my every order and you might survive." Link ushered the brothers through the doorway when they showed up the next morning along with Malon, but he stopped her at the door. "You're not suited for the rage of war. So pack up, go home—you're through. How could I make a man out of you?"

"I'm not through yet," Malon mumbled as she walked away. The quadruplets gazed helplessly after her. Link hid a smile when he saw the bow hanging unknown on a strap around her neck.  
Next up was individual training.

(We are men)  
We must be swift as a coursing river

Aoi got a first hand teaching of the martial arts.

(We are men)  
With all the force of a great typhoon

Itsuki did the Hurricane Spin attack repeatedly, being told he had to learn how to spin longer.

(We are men)  
With all the strength of a raging fire

Aka spent his time attacking a punching bag and being stuffed into a tire and rolled down a hill.

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

The Fairy Sword got forced into Vio's grip as Link mercilessly hammered away with his own Gilded Sword.

The Huns would be there that night, and they'd be met with a five man army.

* * *

The five boys stood at the top of a steep hill, patiently awaiting the army to break through the cover of the trees.

"I still don't get how some of that stupid stuff you made us do is gonnna help us win." Aoi grumbled.

Link just smiled and said "How about now?" He pulled the four transformation masks out of his pack.

"You're seriously gonna let us use those?" Itsuki asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah, but remember: this is a one night only thing. And I wouldn't be in such a big hurry to put those on. Those things _hurt_."

The brothers learned by now to know Link always meant what he said, so they waited. When the birds nesting in the trees took off, they slipped the masks on.

Four identical boys put on four different masks. They were swallowed in four identical flashes of light and four different screams. When both faded, they were anything but identical.

Itsuki had wood for skin, a gaping hole for a mouth and no nose. Aka was taller, bulkier, wore black beads, had white hair and rocks on his back. Aoi was taller, more streamlined, beady black eyes and blue toned skin. Vio was the tallest, wore a white tunic, wore black armor, had war facepaint, no irises and had a huge helix sword on his back. They were no longer Hylians, but a Deku, a Goron, a Zora, and the Fierce Diety.

By the time they all stopped gaping at each other, the army had already mostly advanced out of the trees.

"You guys ready?" Link asked them. They nodded, and Link turned back to look at the ridge to the left, smiled, and looked over the army. "Then let's do some damage."

(We are men)  
"We must be swift as a coursing river."

Aoi dashed down the hill, bobbing and weaving through the ranks and throwing punches and kicks into the confused monsters. The occasional burst of electricity was used for self-defense and claustrophobic spaces.

(We are men)  
"With all the force of a great typhoon."

Itsuki was hot on Aoi's heels. As soon as he got close enough, he started twirling in circles, letting the razor-like edge of his hat mow everyone that got too close down.

(We are men)  
"With all the strength of a raging fire."

Aka rolled into a boulder and shot down the hill, and his magic eventually kicked in and spikes sprouted from his back. He started carving a straight line through the wriggling mass of confusion untill he turned in a wide circle.

"Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."

Vio was hacking them down before he even got close enough to make any physical contact, using his magic blasts from the blade to do damage. Once he got close enough, he settled into the pattern of single-bladed combat that Link taught him.

Link, stood back a moment, feeling his pride swell at how they were faring. His grin grew bigger when he looked back at the ridge to the left, seeing the familiar red head shooting down the monsters from a distance using the bow he snuck away with her. Finally, he drew his gold checkered sword and launched headlong into the fray.

* * *

Not my best work, but I think I did okay. I had to get this out. Oh, and flamers? I have a nice guillotine I've been _dying_ to use. Please, by all means, give me a reason to use it.

Teral: In other words, open hostility will be met with a lot more hostility. Ah, the wonders of the delayed sugar rush.

Zidal: **SUGAR RUSH!!** Oh, and here are the four Link's names:

Itsuki-forest

Aka-red

Aoi-blue

Vio-short for Violet

Laret: Please, leave a review and keep in mind that this will **not** be continued.


End file.
